How are you today?

 

Emotional intelligence

Emotional intelligence is the act of recognizing your own emotion and those of others and discerning the differences and labelling them appropriately in a given situation.

The act of using that knowledge to the advantage of the individual is crucial to success in office and home environments.

Studies done by Daniel Goleman in his book Emotional Intelligence have shown that people with higher EI have shown better mental health, leadership capabilities, and equanimity in stressful situations.

In the book - Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant, it is mentioned that the question, “How are you today?” is the basic question that makes people delve into their emotional core and respond to situations. It is a form of expressing empathy in the most intimate form.

How many times have we felt this?

The four basic steps to exhibit EI are

1. Perceiving emotions

2. Understanding emotions

3. Using emotions

4. Managing emotions

Lets use an example to understand this. 

The team is working on a crucial deadline and there are 4 team members A,B,C and D. A had a family emergency and is not able to respond to calls and emails. He is working from home. He occasionally calls B and informs him of his current situation and schedule. B does his best to keep the team updated about A and vice versa.

C and D feel detached from A since he has not been seen in office and has been away. B is performing well in the project but has 2 other high priority tasks. B has his schedule tightly wound and is doing his part. C is only part of this project so he is feeling the weight of the project. D is part-time on this project so is 50%. The project requires 8 labor-weeks and it is already 5 labor-weeks along. A has been marked absent for the next 3 weeks. B is available for 1 labor-week. C and D feel the pressure of meeting the deadline and during a team meeting, B is asking for updates when C yells “What do you think I am doing, I have to complete A’s task as well?”. D responds saying “Please calm down. We can let the management know that since A is gone, we need 1 more labor-week”.

Let's analyze this situation a bit:

1. B perceives an emotional reaction from C and understands that he is under pressure and losing his calm.

2. C knows that he behaved rashly and used his emotion to exaggerate the situation.

3. A is a victim of circumstances and has nothing to contribute other than his first week on the project.

4. D understands the emotional reaction of B and C and steps up to perform more on this project and abandon his other project.

5. B manages his emotion (does not get angry in response) and comforts C that he will get a waiver on the deadline for the project. He contacts C outside the meeting to explain the incorrect behaviour.

I am sure we all can relate to this episode in our day-to-day life at some point. You can see all four attributes of EI in play here. This could have been resolved if one person had asked everyone “How are you today?”. Expressing empathy is a sign of strength for the user.

Next time, you are in a difficult situation, pause, breathe, and respond with “Let's take a step back and look at the higher level picture.” Shame is an emotion that makes people feel smaller and respond in a smaller way. For people who are ashamed, speaking up is very difficult. If the person with higher EI asks them a question, that will be easier for them. Always strive to be a person with a high EI. Make sure you are in a great state of mind to begin your day.

Communication is key to understanding the other person’s point of view. Always step up and be a voice for your team, for your organization and if you “See something, please say something”. Ignoring and walking away is the most irresponsible way to behave. Give the other person the benefit of doubt, and lean in to solve their problem. Empathy is important. As C.S. Lewis once said, “You can’t start the beginning but you can start where you are and change the ending!”.